I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
