i was rollin on her like bob the builder
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize