He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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