My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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