My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
