Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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