Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
