There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
