Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
