No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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