dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
