I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
