He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
