Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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