maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
