Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
