you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
