new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
