I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
