And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
