The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
