How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
