I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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