tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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