I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
