Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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