I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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