he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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