she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
