Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
