Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
