were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
