Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
