I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
