I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
