I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
