i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
