It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
