College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
