Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
