Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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