I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
