I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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