Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
