currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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