i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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