I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
