I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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