I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
