i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
third nipple confirmed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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