8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
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