Umm I'm too high to move.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
