My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
