My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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