No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
