It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
