i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
