My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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