i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
