i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
