While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize