NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
