and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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