i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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