if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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