i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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