You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
its liver damage thursday
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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