saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
