I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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