Swine flu. Run for my life!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
smell my finger.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
