next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize