toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
