Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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