Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
