Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
