He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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