So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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