A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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